The morning after

So last night was my 50th birthday party and I had a great time with my friends. As soon as I get the photos I will add them with an account of the night, but in the meantime here is a picture of me the morning after! Still in pyjamas and unshowered. Not bad for an 50 year old!

The Ant and The Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END
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THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others lessfortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table laden with food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poorgrasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving BabiesParty and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant'shouse. The BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special fromGrimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has gotrich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike onthe ant to make him pay his "fair share".

In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity andGrasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers.

Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactivetaxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.

The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company, funded by Britain via the EU.

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed; Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10m.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose; the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

THE END.

Will Ya Do It For A Dollar?

My upcoming birthday party is taking up some of my time lately. I had to find a venue to celebrate it, and my original plans of using the Oasis Restaurant seemed smashed as I heard they are selling. But I called and was told that it changes hands on February 28, so I just moved the party to the earlier weekend. The date of the party is now February 25th.

The sending out all the invitations should be easy with email now in most people’s lives, but there are those who just don’t have a computer yet! So designing an invitation was further time spent. I don’t mind doing this as it just gets me more in the mood for the party.

Next I had to make the play money that we will be using on the night.

The theme of the party is:

“Will Ya Do It For A Dollar?”

So people arrive, put $10 in a pot, and receive $25 play money. The rest of the night they ask other guests to do stuff for them, or offer to do stuff for others. They can name their price.

What Can You Do For A Dollar?

Refresh my drink
Tell everyone at the party how wonderful I am
Rub my back
Admit to your spouse that you’ve finally decided to come OUT of the closet
Sing so we can ALL hear it
Bring me a snack
Make a prank phone call
Dance like a fool
Kiss my bare ass (this just might be more than a buck)
Give everyone a big hug
Do a shot. Or a Blowjob (the drink)
Share with us all your most embarrassing moment
Put your shirt on inside out
Give short ballroom dancing lessons
Foot & back massages,
Streak
And anything else you can think of that is wild and creative. Anything someone will pay for is fair game.

At midnight, those competitive & uninhibited souls who've collected substantial stashes have their money counted and the prize is awarded.

I am planning on taking a karaoke machine for people to sing a long to. The food is ordered and there is a waiter who will take drink orders.

So I still need to photocopy and cut out all the play money I have made. And make sure I get all the other invites mailed or handed out. I will also need to find friends to help me set up the room the day of the party.

Sounds like fun, right? I hope so. So drop by if you like!

SUCCINCT

SUCCINCT: "Canadian Ingenuity
Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting Canadian money.

Canadians have therefore decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Islamists from even touching it!

It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.

Do you think America should do the same?"