Puns Galore

• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  
• Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
  
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  
• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
  
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
  
• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
  
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  
• The thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
  
• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
  
• We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
  
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
  
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
  
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
  
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
  
• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
  
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  
• A backward poet writes inverse.
  
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
  
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
  
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
  
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
  
• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
  
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
  
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.