Saturday, April 21, 2007

Being 25

When I was 25 I figured I knew it all.

  • I had left home and chose to live in a different country

  • I had fallen in love many times

  • I had experienced many types of work

  • I had been given some fantastic opportunities

  • I had traveled to some beautiful places

  • I had been wild

  • I had been responsible

  • I had lost a baby through miscarriage

  • I had lived with a man I thought I loved

  • I had shared my life with good friends

  • I had found the ideal job

  • I had the respect of my parents and family

I found myself pregnant again when I was 25. I was very happy, and even when the father of the child I carried did not want to have the baby, I remained happy and planned my life as a single mother. I thought that by the time I delivered this child I would be mature enough and would have had enough life experience to be a wonderful, loving mother.

Things didn't quite go that way! I was terrified when he arrived. Scared that I would do all the wrong things, motherhood does not come with the delivery. I really thought I would be fine since I wasn't a teen or a very young mum. I kept my fears to myself and did the only thing that I could... my very best. Of course, I screwed up on a number of occasions, but the experience made me a better mum.

Even up until he was 16 I was worried that I was doing the wrong things. When he made mistakes I figured it was because of something I had done wrong. But eventually I had to let him take responsibility for his actions, and when I did, it was a huge load off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a bad kid, I had just taken on ALL the responsibility ALL the time.

So here we are now, with him turning 25. He has experienced a lot too.

  • 4 years of university

  • living in another city by himself

  • living in another country by himself

  • teaching in a country whose first language is not English

  • facing a judge for a error in his own judgment

  • losing a loved one

  • watching his friends losing a loved one

  • long and solid friendships

  • girlfriends

  • many types of work

  • vacations in many parts of the world

However, having taken similar roads, we are different people. I was ready to take on a family, and be the mother and the person who would mould this child's life. He is still looking for fulfillment in his life.

I don't worry about him anymore, because he is a man and is capable of taking care of himself.

The best advice for anyone who has children is to think back to when you were their age and remember how you felt about your life. At 15 things were complicated, at 21 life was exciting, but was your family that important to you? Friends tend to take place of family for a few years, but then in the end, (usually about the time you have children of your own) your family plays an important role in your life.

1 comment:

falwyn said...

I think that's very true -- about friends taking the place of family for a while; mostly while we're reaching for our independence and trying it on for size.
My kids are still young, but already I am feeling that amazement: remember when I was my daughter's age, the sorts of things I thought and all. Something to keep doing, I imagine.